P is for Podcast

So, I’m starting a podcast! My very own show.

I think I’ve always known that I was destined to have my own show of some sort.

When I was really little, I would cut scraps of paper and sell them as “tickets” to family members, then force them to watch as I performed a type of “show” in the living room; mostly consisting of lots of costume changes and soliloquies.

The rest of my childhood was a steady stream of cinematic undertakings: Self-produced musicals about newspaper boys/journalists working to meet a deadline, weird film noirs about an evil trumpeter and her trombone sidekick, and ultimately, my very own passion project, short films with basically the plot of Footloose–Except with roller skates.

This, of course, was all documented (too well for my own comfort) on my Barbie VHS camcorder.

So yeah, entertaining people was always an interesting concept to me. But, as I got older and more critical of myself, I became more of a perfectionist (as it goes for most creatives), and I began to question if the content I was creating was actually worth other people seeing. Did the world really need to see me in acid-wash flare jeans rollerskating down my street, set to Hilary Duff’s “Metamorphosis?” Probably not.

In my late adolescence, I took part in more constructive forms of self-expression: One-act play, marching band, experimenting with fashion, and writing silly poetry about silly boys who were none the wiser.

So, setting aside the heightened sense of self-awareness that puberty brings about, as an adult, I still struggle with creativity. I’m fearful of my own narcissism in my creativity. What is the purpose of the thing I’m creating? Is it so that other people can look at it? Why should they want to look at it? Is it worth the time I'm spending, or should I instead use my creativity to communicate deeply with the people who are already a part of my life?

What I’m saying is, I hate talking to overly self-promotional people, I’m fearful of the selfish nature that goes along with creative endeavors, and I like to come up with excuses for not putting myself out there. But, I’ve reached a certain level of stability in my life where I feel compelled to share what is inside of me. Cheesy, I know.

I am drawn to people that I respect and look up to, people who put their boldness and creativity out there every single day with grace and humility, and I want to share those people’s stories.

The ultimate goal of this podcast is to capture the innocence of creativity, and that’s a creative endeavor that I can feel good about.

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